I don't know what to feel right now. Haven't eaten anything since morning till now. Fml. I feel like killing myself, Im never good enough for anybody. He's too busy with O's. Ok I get it, till to an extent that he forgot about my feelings. okay i understand.
8:43 PM

In school now and just ended lessons. Tiring day...... Cant understand a single thing about further trigonometry as im new to it. Sigh.
3:36 PM

And i wonder, what makes you stay.
And i wonder, why do I have such itchy fingers.
This is just too much, I lose things so easily and i hate myself for that.

someone please calm me down. cause only after i'm calmed, it'll find its way back to me.
10:54 PM

So I guess my blog will be the only place where I can let everything out now..

Hmm, today's the first day of school for this semester. It turns out okay, but somehow I'm really really tired. Maybe because im used to the holidays.. So as soon as I reached home, settled down and everything else. Leaking tap got worse. And when mummy came back straightaway I had scoldings from her. This never fail to happen every night.. She asked why do I spend so much. Gosh its only the first day of sch, and I was really hungry....... :(
So I let it go. Dad is busy with, wait let me correct that. Dad is forever busy with work. When will he ever stop and at least show us some care? Even my grandfather complains of him being so busy at work till he thinks that my dad forgets him..
I have three other siblings who need much more attention than me from my mum, which honestly, I understand. But there's this feeling which I can't deny.. this feeling where I feel that the care and attention is slowly fading away.. Everytime she walks past me, I thought she was gnna turn into me but no.. its either one of my other siblings..
It really breaks my heart everytime she does that. I really feel like crying..

As for my friends, we only spent time together in class. I appreciate and cherish all those fun and laughters, but we all have our own lives after school.

As for my boyfriend, I really understand he's in the midst of preparing for O levels. I really love and care for him so much. Sometimes he just gotta open his eyes and see that I really need him as much as he needs me. Or maybe more than that. Yes he can be busy with his family, friends, studies or school, and I find it hard to turn to him for help in my studies cause I'm scared I'll pressurize him.

See the point now? Everyone's so busy, & I need that attention too.. :'( God, I turn to you. Please help me. :'( i need that attention from mum, dad and my loved ones but they can't seem to see it. :'( I can't possibly do this alone.. Mum nags scold shout scream and yell but does she ever see the positive side of me? Where I'll study and focus on my studies? Does she? I used to be one of her priorities before my younger brother and sister was born. But I guess not anymore..

Why are things changing so fast as I'm growing? I need that attention, thats all..

Everytime I think about this, I feel like crying. It really seems like everyone is busy. I need help.. )':

10:46 PM

Feeling so tired but promise myself after this post imma check in to lalaland! so yeah today went out at about 8.30am and reached baby's house at abt 9am. <3 then kingkong and raura came at 11.15am. :) then we set off at 11.30am! to downtown east. Reached e!hub and went straight to play bowling. :) kingkong so pro. lol. :( i got third, BUT HI WANTAN I DIDNT GIVE MY BEST SHOT TODAY OK :p its been a long time since i played bowling anyway!
So after we played about two games, went to eatttt! and we sat at this swing bt turns out to be irritating cause i nearly fell while eating. silly wan...
after that, we had a lot of places in mind which we thought of gg, but ended up we went to Pasir Ris Park cause me and raura was craving to go there! Got lost fr awhile AND GUESS WHAT. wantan piggyback-ed me! Hehe thank you love. <3 was feeling really exhausted..
Aft we reached the playground part, no wait. sounds childish. Haha! Hmm, the...playing area. whatever it is. i found out one deep secret abt guys! SIGH DIDNT KNOW THEY WERE SCARED TO RIDE ON A SWING HAHAHA.... :p
So we played a lot there and it was very fun and exhausting! After that we took bus 403 and went bck to pasir ris int. from there onwards all i can say is we took buses that let us explored literally exactly the whole of pasir ris bedok and tampines LOL sigh....... Hahahaha and nt to forget almost a 2hr plus ride back home.....bt at the end of the day, everything was worth it! :)
I love today. <3 Thanks to those who made it special, especially my Tengku Hazwan. :)

So straightaway I'm off to camp tomorrow till fri! And baby is holding on to so many of my things today tht i forgot to take. Haha. Clips, comb, camera, my clothes, charger, damn a lot! And gnna pass him my ipod tmr since I'll be away for camp. :) Okbye!
11:38 PM

Today marks the first day of my NYP attachment. Not bad, but my menses cramps kinda ruined some parts of my day. :( so yeah learnt a lot abt marketing! we were divided into 3 groups. and me and deena were the only girls. :( but its kinda okay, we have 2 art students so they can make the storyboard for us! :) and me and the rest do the research for the 4 Ps. ;) Ok and bby sent and fetch me. Hehe sho happy pls <3 i love him so much! bye. :)
7:50 PM

"I want a guy who's not embarrassed of me. He would show me off like a prized trophy. He'd be proud of me and everything I do. Whenever someone asks who I am, he would never hesitate to say, "MY GIRLFRIEND"."
8:06 PM

"Plain and simple. I know it can be hard to please her sometimes, but it’s worth it in the end. Remember that she’s your happiness, your world. She should be the first person you talk to in the morning, and the last person you whisper “Good night” to. Unlike some of your bros, she’s going to be there for you when you’re the happiest, but more importantly, when you’re at your lowest. She’ll cook for you and care for you, so treat her like a queen. Girls are delicate creatures. Think before you say. Think before you act. They take every little mistake you make and multiply it by a thousand. So try not to mess up, aight? When you’re fighting, sometimes it’s better to put your relationship before your own pride. You’re not helping yourself by making her upset, bro. And never, ever, under any condition, let her go to sleep crying. She’ll resent you for it for the rest of your days. Don’t forget to make her feel special everyday. Open doors, go shopping with her. Hell, make dinner for her! The more you show her you love her, the more she’ll give you in return. Remember that an “I love you” via text is never as special as one in person. And show her off to your bros, don’t be ashamed of her. She’s never been ashamed of your dorky ass. Look, she doesn’t really need much in a relationship; she just wants to feel like she matters to you. That’s not asking for much, bro.

But if you haven’t learned a thing from reading this, remember this. Love her unconditionally, loyally, and keep her close. Love her with everything you’ve got: emotionally, mentally, and physically. Because I swear, if you won’t treat your girl right, I will."
8:04 PM

Kinda frustrated with what's happening right now. I mean like, gosh.. Come on.
Can't you see it all this while? I was waiting. I was just waiting for you to tell me. But if its too personal, I don't mind you not telling me.
I hate it when you piss me off on purpose to see my reaction. It happened so many times. Whereas you know me, my attitude, my tolerance level. You can't compare, I'm a girl. You said I get mad so easily, yeah its all because of you. Now that you know i'm gonna change back to the old me, you're taking advantage of me. Please come on.
Another thing. You knew I was otp with you just now. You knew that I was feeling sad. You had friends to accompany you home. Yet you still hung up on me and say that you'd call me back. I was feeling so sad and I needed you at that point of time.. Sigh. :'/
And not even a text was sent. Yeah I get it, I'm boring. The whole day you treated me like i dont know what, treating me like as if its all my fault. I didn't even hide anything, you knew it all this while. I don't know what to say anymore, you're fasting & I don't wanna start a fight with you.
Let's just stay this way. Peace.
6:41 PM

Went to catch Xmen with that special someone today, not bad! ;) the movie was nice. Can I be a mutant? I wanna have some powers too! Haha, k dreaming.
Anyway its really a habit fr me whenever we watch movies, i'll tend to ask him a lot of questions cause y'know..im really slow at catching up the storyline! Well glad he tolerated me ;)
And he skipped his dnt remedial, sigh badboy94. but nevermind at least he sacrificed for me, not for someone else! :p
So yeah plans for the rest of the week. Tomorrow, Deena will be cmg over. ;) Friday, perhaps I'll finish up my homeworks. Weekends, still planning. Next monday to thursday, NYP attachment. Bby will be sending me and fetching me yayyyyyy <3 friday to somewhere in the fourth week, will be going overseas. ;) and then chalet and www and etp is all nt cnfirmed. maybe next time. ;) its valid for a year. ok so its packed! hehe and he will be super free for the next two weeks whereas me, tsk....... i hope he does something productive, and not sleep, sleep and....sleep. hehe.
Ok bye humanoids gonna eat my brownie that mummy's friend gave us hehe!
9:20 PM